You're on Candid Camera

After a long, hard weekend of watching football, I thought I'd share some things not to do while at a football game.

Easily at the top of the list is to not pick your nose. There's television cameras present at pretty much all football games. Use your knuckles, a tissue, or go to the bathroom.

If you're on the other side of the camera, and you're broadcasting live on network television, avoid the guy wearing the "West Fuckin Virginia" shirt like the plague. He will hold it up so that the world can easily read its message.

If you're going to paint yourself red, paint your armpits or keep your arms down. It's bad enough that your pits are being exposed as such, but the paint everywhere else actually highlights the fleshy, hairy, sweaty ovals. One can almost smell you through the screen.