Dear Banking Industry,
Please, I'm begging you, stop sending me all of these balance transfer checks. I'm not going to use them. I don't want to waste my time individually calling you to tell you to stop. Your persistence in the face of my obvious, yet silent, rejection has become an annoyance.
It's not that I don't appreciate the thought. Sure, 0% for the next 12 months sounds great. Maybe I can even ignore the upfront fee. I'm just not interested, though.
I wouldn't even write this but, you see, I'm a little paranoid about how easily these could be abused. I already have to worry about identity theft and other fraud. These checks just seem like a back door into my account. I'd rather they never entered the postal system, never sat in my mailbox, nor ever entered my house.
I'll make you a deal. You know your fancy website with all the security — the user name and password, the site key, the encrypted communications, that one — if you give me an easy way to transfer balances there, whenever I may need it, then I'll consider using it. Granted, I'll only use it if I can save money that way but the chances that I'll use that versus all of these pieces of paper you've been mailing out are greatly in favor of the online interface.
If you do this you should save quite a few trees. You'll probably save some money, too. That's something to consider if you've had your hand in the sub-prime mortgage market lately.